After spending a lot of time at home with my husband (Joshua), I was so shocked to find that we parented so differently.
This scared me. We disagreed a lot about simple, small, daily things in parenting.
We needed to agree on everything, I thought. That is the foundation of a good marriage, right? So, what’s wrong with us?
Yes, we need to agree on some big important things and have similar values about our core values, but what about all the little details?
…those parenting moments that are more driven by our personal opinions and beliefs, or driven by your personality and giftings.
Screen time? How and what we eat? School? The list goes on...
I soon began to see that what we were actually doing was quite remarkable.
I was fighting something very natural and beautiful.
We were both bringing our different strengths to the table - but we didn’t know how to value them in each other.
I brought my strengths...a little more mercy and patience. He brought his…calling our kids up to be stronger and brush off the struggles and disappointments.
It’s funny now. Sometimes we switch strengths since we have learned to appreciate and value each other's...I parent more like him- and he like me in some moments. (This is obviously still a work in progress 🙃🙌🏻.)
Both are needed. Different is OK.
When you begin to embrace one another's differences, it can be can be quite exhausting.
More talking. More time spent together figuring things out. Simple decisions take longer vs. if one parent was handling things.
Love is never efficient. Relationships are never efficient.
They take a lot of time, and it is so worth it.
Our kids have had a front row seats on how to handle disagreements and opinions. When you run a business together a lot of the time from home with 6 kids- disagreements are sure to happen.
I love that they can see that talking differences out in a healthy way can be so good and that light tension can bring two people closer together. Figuring out how to communicate is hard and I love they are learning that as they watch us talk to each other.
So, don’t make the same mistake I did in the early years of our marriage and fight for every decision because “you know best”.
Value each other’s strengths. Agree when you can. Trust each other when you can’t. Find the give and take. Make room for each of you to bring your part.
Good news? If you do the hard work now, it does get easier later...and your children are more well rounded and whole people for it. Your marriage and family become stronger. I can attest...16 years in..it just keeps getting better and better.